Monday, December 28, 2009

Terrible...

I've not been good at keeping up with this blog.  But let me tell you, I have learned a thing or two about restriction.  Too little, too much.  I had an unfill in the band in late November because of my continued acid reflux.  The reflux has subsided, but I have gained 3-5 pounds during the holidays.  I see now more than ever that exercise is so crucial to this process.  I keep making excuses for not exercising.  It was something that I was very driven to do before surgery.  I did it and I enjoyed it because I was trying really hard.  It's nice to not have to try to hard to lose weight, but that does not come without sacrifice.  Too tight, I'm up all night coughing with acid reflux, too lose, I am eating like a ravenous pig.  Okay, maybe not that bad.  I mean, even when I overeat, I can not eat more than a cup's worth of food in a 20 minute period.  If it stays down, great, but I'll be snacking on cookies in an hour.  Bad, bad, bad.  I know.

Tonight, I am having Christmas Eve's leftover beef stew.  It's amazing, and exactly the kind of tender beef I should be eating.  I can eat about 3-4 small strips, a few carrots, some celery, and a small potato chunk.  I'm still not eating nearly the way I used to, but there's a lot more room I could do to improve.  I am not going to make any New Year's resolutions.  I am going to continue to not drink alcohol regularly.  It's a good thing to do anyway, just empty calories.  I enjoy life sober anyway.  Sobriety is centering.  Sobriety from sugar and fat is centering as well.  Weighing less is centering.  I see the world in a much more focused way, and people no longer notice me as they once did.

I know the next 50 pounds is going to be a lot harder than the first 150, but I can do it.